Couples Therapy Cologne Odendahl & Brinkmann

Difficult phases of life and crises are an inevitable part of human life. It is often gradual or sudden changes in life circumstances that throw people off balance. These can include a separation from a partner, career changes, a serious illness or the transition to a new phase of life. Ideally, an adjustment reaction restores inner balance.

If the adjustment is not successful enough for various reasons, you can get “stuck” in a state of high psychological distress, where ongoing stress, tension or even a sense of alienation can develop. Couples therapy and a good conversation at the right time can help release unresolved conflicts and bring people back together whether in the relationship or within the whole family. What matters most is the length of the difficult phase, the intensity of the emotional strain and the ability to seize opportunities or to avoid further complications and problems. Our experienced couples therapists support you with exactly the right therapeutic approach.

Our focus is your concern and the support we provide regardless of your sexual identity and preferences.

What we can do for you

Here you can find professional help and support from specialized couples therapists – wether you are here as a couple, as parents (together or seperate) or as an individual. Couples therapy / Couples counseling is not only useful, if there is already a conflict or crisis.

Use our coaching offer for couples and discover all the potentials of your partnership.

The core of good couples counseling is that it should be one thing for you: rewarding and insightful. Both partners should gain a perspective on their relationship with all its aspects, on the wishes and goals that are meant to shape their partnership. This applies to your own as well as your partner’s. You will be surprised at how much more you can learn and discover about yourself and your partner in just a few hours.

• Professional couples counselors and therapists with many years of training and work experience
• Interdisciplinary team from psychology, pedagogy and business
• Couples therapy also available in English
• Intensive training weekends for couples and families
• Quick appointment scheduling within 7 days
• Appointments also available in the evenings and on weekends
• High availability, same day response on weekdays

• Learn more about your relationship.
• Explore your own relationship patterns.
• Discover more about what you personally seek in relationships and how you behave in partnerships.
• Learn more about your own wishes and needs.
• Reflect and develop your personality.
• Examine your personal life story.
• Learn to better understand yourself and your partner and to work together toward a solution in critical situations.

Every relationship between two people is unique, which means no couple’s relationship is the same as another. That’s why difficulties that can arise within a relationship are just as individual as well. Common reasons for seeking couples counseling may include:

• A lack of sense of togetherness
• Lack of trust in the partner
• Stressful changes in work life or daily routines
• Challenges in the shared sexual relationship
• Infidelity by one or both partners
• Increased arguing

When a relationship is struggling, communication between partners often becomes difficult. Those involved then face the major challenge of addressing their feelings, desires and any doubts they may have. Couples therapy or counseling can act as a mediator and help prevent misunderstandings and accusations. During the counseling process, entrenched communication and behavior patterns can be broken, helping you move toward a happy partnership again. Other goals of couples counseling include:

• Creating an understanding of how stressful situations can arise
• Learning to deal with conflicts appropriately
• Becoming aware of your own desires and communicating them
• Recognizing your partner’s wishes
• Avoiding misunderstandings and accusations
• Being able to communicate fears and expectations within the relationship

To rebuild a loving partnership where both partners feel comfortable in the relationship, open and committed participation in couples counseling is essential. The couples therapists at Paartherapie Köln in the MVZ often encounter situations where only one partner wants counseling and the other declines. If this is the case, the current situation can first be discussed in an individual session with the therapist. There can be various reasons for rejecting couples counseling, such as fear of blame. Despite possible concerns, it is still advisable to attend an initial, non-binding session with the therapist, where any reservations can also be addressed. Ultimately, the long-term cooperation of both partners is required to successfully achieve the shared goal of a happy relationship.

Psychological distress does not only affect individuals – it also impacts marriages, relationships and entire families. Family therapy tries to find the roots of problematic symptoms within the social environment of the affected person and therefore does not take place in individual sessions but in a family setting.

The reason for this is that research has shown therapy can be more effective when family members and close relatives are involved. Unfortunately, family therapy is still used very rarely, as it is often considered complicated and time-consuming. However, current studies show that the additional effort pays off when the social system is included.

Family therapy is formally classified within the systemic therapy school. In 2008, the Scientific Advisory Board for Psychotherapy officially recognized this approach as scientifically valid. However, it is not yet considered a guideline therapy and is therefore not covered by health insurance. Despite this, systemic and family therapy is an effective, evidence-based method with a wide range of applications and interventions.

The basic assumption of systemic therapy is that a person never exists in isolation but must always be viewed as part of a whole. Systemic therapists therefore reject the idea that a single family member alone causes a problem. The so-called “symptom bearer” is not the actual problem; rather, their symptoms reflect that the family system is out of balance. This dysfunctional state may be more noticeable to some members than others.

During the therapy process, the therapist guides the members of the system out of this state through exercises and questioning techniques. The relationships within the family and the roles distributed in the system are analyzed. During the therapeutic process it is known: The moment one member in the system changes their behavior, the entire system begins to shift. The therapist supports the family in questioning entrenched perspectives and problematic behaviors, finding new viewpoints and developing more satisfying ways of living together.

The overarching goal of the therapy process is to create a new balance within the system through these changes, positively affecting all family members. Throughout this process, the family therapist emphasizes providing all members with an unbiased perspective, respect and appreciation.

Family therapy strongly focuses on solutions and emphasizes the resources and strengths of all participants. This often allows significant changes to be achieved in a short period of time. Additionally, the systemic therapy approach is very sustainable due to its principle of “help for self-help.”

Family therapy is indicated in many cases: when a family member is suffering from a psychological disorder or physical illness or during difficult life situations such as marital problems, parental divorce, the loss of a family member or transitional phases like moving, changing schools or the conflict-prone period of adolescence.

Life as a couple is an art. An art that can be learned.

This realization has already been introduced to many couples with marital problems in recent years, who as a result have started to look for marriage counseling. The topic of marriage and especially the satisfaction within the couple’s relationship is now being treated with the special attention it deserves.

This is hardly surprising, since it is a topic of central importance that affects all areas of our lives. For most people, individual happiness depends very much on a fulfilling, loving and stable couple relationship.

But what factors hold a marriage together? Aspects such as economic necessity and joint parenthood no longer play a binding role in today’s world, as they once did in the past. Today, the two partners and their personal bond with each other are the only bonds that hold a couple together.

Thus it comes that in the personal environment of many a clearly recognizable failure of a multiplicity of pair relations becomes apparent. About one third of all marriages end in divorce, in large cities even almost half of them. This raises the question of how things can come to such a pass. But just as important is the question of what steps need to be taken to make a happy partnership possible and thus prevent separation.

Within marriage counseling, the decisive steps are discussed between the counselor and the couple and put into practice in a solution-centered as well as present-oriented manner. In the process, various relevant questions are clarified, such as “What am I looking for in a relationship?” and “How can I better understand my partner and work efficiently together on a solution in difficult situations?

Our modern understanding of love includes attitudes, expectations and needs that can put a strain on a lively and lasting couple relationship. This makes love and marriage seem like an irreconcilable contradiction. The goals of marriage counseling are to change the couple’s views, attitudes, wishes and expectations in order to influence their actual behavior. In this way, marriage counseling can ensure the stability of a marriage and help it achieve new satisfaction.

What we are all looking for today and what we find so difficult to achieve, namely a living erotic love and a reliable permanence, are not contradictions, but can coexist well or even belong together. No marriage is doomed to failure. There is always a way out and a possibility to learn the art of marriage and to take the own marital happiness into your own hands.

For example with the help of the 10 “rules” of the prominent marriage counselor and psychotherapist Hans Jellouschek. They describe how to lead a stable and happy relationship.

You may wonder why creating commitment is so important for a functioning marriage and may even consider this step unnecessary. But experienced marriage counselors know that love needs commitment in order to survive and grow. It is sufficient if it is created over time or it is normal that it is not present from the beginning. However, if you wait too long and miss the moment to take the next step in the relationship, it could seriously threaten the relationship.

This phenomenon is especially apparent in so-called “test marriages”. This is a form of life in which one lives and resides together, but does not define oneself as a married couple. This is a relatively modern, social development that has its justification. Such an intermediate phase is in a certain way appropriate, useful or even necessary for a positive – both individual and partnership – development. But it does not answer the question: “Am I the most important or the only one for the other?”

Within a romantic relationship, there are always hurdles to overcome, problematic phases to get through or crises to resolve. But sometimes these phases last. A feeling of frustration and hopelessness can creep in. You may even begin to doubt the relationship. Maybe you know such thoughts and feelings? The fact that the relationship is in crisis – maybe even for a long time – is no reason to give it up immediately. Quite the opposite. With the help of a couple therapy you can get back to where you once started: with one of the most beautiful feelings in the world.

Within the framework of a couple therapy, different focal points can be set. For example, the focus can be on

Carelessness, distraction and inattention are factors that put a long-term strain on a partner relationship. To create awareness and to activate the motivation for change can be part of a couple therapy. The term mindfulness means to pay attention in a certain way. In a couple, this attention refers to both partners and means that everyone pays a benevolent attention to both themselves and their partner. In hectic everyday life, some aspects that are worth paying attention to are lost. Mindfulness can be practiced and nurtured in a guided framework, which can resolve some conflicts and enrich the partnership. Learn to treat yourself and your partner with consideration and mindfulness.

According to a survey conducted by the online consulting project Theratalk, the most common problem in romantic relationships is conversational behavior. Especially in long-term partnerships, but also at the very beginning of a relationship, accusations, attacks, accusations of guilt and justifications burden the common happiness. Couples therapists know to report that communication plays a major role for satisfaction within the relationship. That is why a couple’s therapy focuses on relearning the language of love. Couples therapy prevents even worse and more hurtful patterns of interaction from developing and solidifying. Otherwise, a destructive process develops, which leaves no room for respect, understanding and romantic feelings. The role of the couple therapist is therefore, among other things, to provide rules for constructive conversations. This is one of the many cognitive and emotional repair tools the couple therapist brings to help you to restore your relationship to the source of joy and security it once was. Together with you, he or she will analyze the core of your issue and then guide you on the path to a mutually satisfactory solution. The goal is that both partners find a way to communicate successfully with each other, learn to express feelings directly and resolve conflicts constructively and together. Throughout the entire process, the therapist takes care not to lose focus. Furthermore, an appreciative attitude of all participants towards each other is always maintained. Because the most important thing is that you feel comfortable and secure.

Within a couple therapy you also get to know yourself better. The experiences that you make in childhood and adolescence are recalled and worked on once again. These shape our interaction with our fellow human beings in the further course of our lives considerably and are therefore very relevant for a successful couple therapy. Every human being has had experiences in the past that have resulted in sore spots. These individual, sensitive points can be explored in a safe environment and a respectful interaction with them can be learned. In this way, schemes once learned can be uncovered and checked for correctness. It may be possible to correct one or the other wrong perception or expectation of what a functioning and harmonious relationship should look like and to steer the behavior within the relationship into constructive paths. In this way, one gets to know not only oneself, but also one’s partner in a new and intensive way and may even discover sides that one did not know before.

In addition to a harmonious relationship, the individuality of each partner is also important. The respectful consideration of the needs of the partner, needs to be learned as well as a healthy amount of love and respect.

Every relationship between two people is unique – in other words, no two relationships are alike. Equally individual are the difficulties that can arise within a relationship. Frequent occasions for the use of a couple counselling service can be, among others:

• The missing feeling of togetherness
• Lack of trust in the partner
• Stressful changes in professional life or in everyday life
• The common sexuality suffers
• cheating of one or both partners
• Increased quarrelling

When a relationship is in crisis, communication between the partners is often problematic. Those affected are then faced with the great challenge of addressing feelings, longings and any doubts that may exist. Couples counseling can help to mediate and counteract the development of misunderstandings and accusations. In this way, communication and behavioral patterns that have become bogged down in the course of the counseling process can be broken down to help you once again achieve a happy partnership. Further goals of couple counseling are among others:To create an understanding of how stressful situations can arise

• To be able to deal with conflicts appropriately
• Becoming aware of your own wishes and communicating them
• To perceive the wishes of the partner
• Avoid misunderstandings and accusations
• Communicate fears and expectations within the relationship

In order to be able to create a loving relationship again, so that both partners can feel comfortable in the relationship, an open and engaged participation in the couple counseling is fundamental. However, it can often happen that the desire for couple counseling is one-sided and is rejected by the partner. If this is the case, the current situation can first be explained in a one-on-one interview with the couple counselor. The refusal of couple counseling can have various reasons; for example, the fear of being blamed. Despite possible reservations, it is still recommended to have a first non-binding conversation with the couple counselor, during which possible reservations can be discussed. After all, in the long run, the cooperation of both partners is required in order to successfully implement the common goal of a happy relationship.