Couples Therapy, Sexual Counseling and Separation Counseling in the praxis Odendahl & Kollegen in Cologne
The specialised therapists and consultants from our practice Odendahl & Associates aim to deliver professional help to all our clients who can be either couples, parents (together or separated) or individuals seeking support.
The central focus of our work is to achieve beneficial and insightful results for our clients
In our joint meetings clients will:
- learn more about their relationships
- discover their personal relationship patterns
- find out more about what they are looking for in partnerships
- learn more about their individual challenges and needs
- develop techniques to discover their own personality
- look at their personal history from different angles
- learn how to understand one and another to address critical situations
Sometimes clients discover their future as a couple is not right for them, however our relationship counseling opens up new doors allowing them to have a new perspective on life and the future counseling
Are happy relationships perfect and without any conflicts or confrontations?
– Incorrect! A happy relationship can only develop further through the successful management of overcoming the crises!
A happy relationship is also formed by both partners who use their individual strengths to overcome difficulties and obstacles which hold them back.
Crises are a demonstration of an intense relationship – the challenge is to resolve any conflicts by facing these together and achieving commonality through intimacy.
How do relation ship crises develop?
Often crises arise when certain needs conflict and clash.
These needs can be quite different in nature, such as emotional (one is asking for more intimacy, the other one needs more distance) or sexual (one partner or both are not sexually satisfied). It is important to understand that each person goes through different stages in life eg. independence and spontaneity used to be one`s priority, but now security and stability might be more important.
Can we become happy again?
A happy relationship is not conditional to whether it exists or does not exist.
A happy relationship is a dynamic process in which crises necessarily arise as a sign of development.
Make a new start
Therapy for couples offers the perfect setting to increase the quality of our clients relationships and to draw valuable lessons for personal development.
Why do our clients consult us?
In everyday life, sometimes and often quite naturally we experience the feeling that we do not need to develop ourselves any further. Perhaps we long for the emotions and feelings of being loved. Or we may wonder whether this relationship really is the perfect setting for our personal development and this is where we want to be right now. Or even that our emotional and sexual blockages may develop so maybe we do not know how to deal with them.
Typical signs of a relationship crisis are:
- missing the feeling of togetherness
- spending very little time together as a couple (no joint activities or intense talks showing genuine interest for each other)
- not being able to realise needs and goals within the partnership
- one partner is unfaithful
- arguing and fighting often
- rare or no sexual satisfaction
- loss of sexual desire (especially since being a parent)
- no common interest in issues of parenting
- disagreement in unwanted fertility / One partner wants a child, the other one does not
- discomfort during the issue of fertility in homosexual partnership
- regularly arguing about organisational things like money or household
- finding it difficult to trust one another
- decrease in the quality of life
These crises increase if the communication between the partners breaks down leading to a destructive pattern:
- wishes are no longer addressed or fulfilled
- criticism is conveyed in a destructive way
- disappointment and criticism is no longer acknowledged
Couples Therapy is aimed to enable our clients to focus on their individual development and to strengthen their personal expectations and goals within the partnership.
What does partnership actually mean?
The Resource Partnership
The involvement of a person in a happy couple’s relationship has a significant impact on our overall well-being and health.
In addition, the support that we experience through a stable partnership has a great impact on our ability to cope with crises such as a job loss or dealing with any misfortunes in life.
Also in the partnership itself crises are natural and necessary. To pass them, a partnership must include:
A new phase in life:
- How can we get back the light-heartedness of our love, now that we are parents?
- How do we deal with diseases, how can we support one another?
- What does it mean for us to move in together, will we get on with the „quirks“ of our partner? How do we combine different preferences in everyday life?
- Should I compromise my own needs in order to make my partner happy?
- How do we deal with occupational changes, for example moving to another city?
- How do I manage not to let my work stress affect my relationship too much?
- One or both partners will retire soon, how can we still inspire each other and gain new experiences?
Different phases during the relationship:
- At the beginning the unique feeling of being in love,
- After a certain time getting used to one another, there is a feeling we know our partner inside out, we are bored and we do not feel fulfilled by our partner anymore
- We mainly focus on the negative aspects of our partner and become blinded by any unexplored and exciting side,
- We fight for the relationship, invest a great deal of energy, we are scared of losing our individuality and independence. The many shared memories, however, give us hope and inspiration to work things out
- During the chaotic phase different emotions can be mixed up, „What do I expect from my life and is it worth fighting for this relationship?“
How does Couples Counseling work?
Couples therapy is a process in place where two partners acquire a deeper understanding of how conflicts arise and how to deal with them.
Our clients‘ new relationships benefit from
- getting familiar with their own relationship patterns of their life story
- learning more about themselves and their personality
- understanding their partner’s behavior
- breaking old communication patterns
- being aware of their own desires and learning how to convey them
- explaining their wishes to their partner
- learning how to adequately express disappointment, distress and anger
- identifying unreasonable expectations of their partnership
- dispelling misconceptions and prejudices
What can I do if my partner does not want to join me?
The condition for positive changes a Couple Therapy offers you is that both partners are willing to make them. Come by yourself first – your partner will be made the proposal to join you one time. The possible fears of blame or uncomfortable situations will be carefully addressed in this session. This way his fears will be taken away. For many couples, this is a good start of a successful Couples Therapy.
How long does Couples Therapy take?
By deciding to start a Couples Therapy, the most important step is already done.
In most cases, first results will be achieved very quickly.
On average most couples take 6-8 sessions to complete.
Depending on the need for counseling we will develop an individual plan for you – it may be useful to meet weekly or later on only irregularly to monitor success in everyday life.
We know that homosexual couples struggle with the same issues as heterosexual couples.
The sexual identity of lesbians and gays or gay life world does not require re-declaration in the consultation process.
Homosexual relationship forms are as varied as their heterosexual counterparts and therefore require the same individual viewing during a Couples Counseling.
Sexual Counseling and Therapy
Satisfactory sexuality is an integral part of every couple’s relationship. Even if only one or none addresses the problem, both partners will be affected. Sometimes sex is a difficult topic from the very beginning.In other cases pleasure decreases over the years or through life with children.
Many couples complain that they neither find the time nor energy to develop their love life in a fulfilling way.
Frequently, an agonizing cycle of pressure and rejection arises,
which couples alone can not resolve on their own.
However, Sexual Counseling is also aimed at singles and helps our clients to
- find out more about their desires
- develop intimacy, tenderness, devotion and passion
- work on sexual dysfunction
- increase the quality of their sexual relationship
- clarifiy their sexual orientation and identity
- discover eroticism in older the age
How can Sexual Therapy help?
Sexual Counseling helps to overcome acute crises and silence between partners. Getting together in an open and respectful atmosphere and talking about sexual desires and ideas often is the first step towards a fulfilling love life. In everyday life it is important to monitor the progress and to address other changes carefully.
Sexual disorders have a direct impact on the couple’s relationship. The result is a dense network of interactions that reinforce one and another and need to be rearranged in therapy.
In order to work on the cause of the sexual problem, it is important to understand that sexuality is more than the mere functioning of the organs. A dysfunction may be caused by stresses at various levels. Therefore, the following areas can be the subject of sex therapy:
- Dealing with stress
- History of sexual development
- Thoughts on sexuality
Sex Therapy can help to explore the possibilities of a lustful erotic life. Beyond accusations and blame our clients will develop a deeper understanding of their sexual needs and desires. The goal is to develop the own sexual personality on the one hand and at the same time to discover pleasure with the partner.
What is a sexual problem?
The most common complaint is lack of lust and passion. This can be a direct result of couple conflicts. Everyday stresses such as work stress, negative sexual experiences or pressure due to high expectations of sexuality may contribute to sexual problems.
Sexual problems arise not only due to physical changes (hormonal changes, physical illness after pregnancy and childbirth) but also due to different needs and preferences in the partnership.
Sexual problems can
- be multifarious
- occur at any stage of life
- affect women as well as men
Separating on amicable terms…
This is the wish of many couples when both know that the common way as a couple is not the right one.
Why is it so hard for many couples to separate on amicable terms?
The longer a relationship lasts, the more common experiences – good or bad – have been made.
„I’m leaving“ is easier said than done. Separating from the partner does not only mean physical and organizational reorientation. How should the mutual belongings be divided , whom should the children stay with?
Clarifying these issues effectively is often difficult in emotional chaos. Even if both partners agree to separate, we realise the actual impact of this decision only during the process itself. Separation hurts: sadness, anger and fear, trauma and loss, guilt and assignments often make communication difficult – now that so many things need to be organised.
Separation Counseling offers communicative and emotional support during this difficult period. In a protected environment clients can clarify all issues and find space and expressions to say goodbye to your couple relationship to release old injury and to prevent new ones.
We help our clients to find the solution with which both partners – and their children – can live a happy life in the future.
Separation Counseling offers a structured approach, in order to find the best possible solutions for all currently pending questions. The goal is to give our our clients a positive outlook and use their experiences and insights for their future.
Costs and Information
Since Couples or sexual problems are not defined as “disease” by health insurance , unfortunately they don’t pay no counseling or therapy in this area.
The costs is 120 € for a session (50 minutes). The duration of couples and sex therapy and Separation Counseling depends on the individual case – after just a few sessions results can be seen in most cases.Our therapists and counsellors will identify our clients wishes and hopes and develop an adequate program
We provide just as much support as our clients need.
We provide just as much support as our clients need.
Call us at 0221-93297590.
Send an e-mail: [email protected]
Paartherapie: Unsere Paartherapeut/innen
Couples Therapist Doris Spindler
Psychoanalytic-systemic therapist, teacher, musicologist and special education teacher MA
Whether you are parents who want to become lovers again, blended families, as well as homesexual or heterosexual couples who want to overcome difficulties – work with Doris Spindler offers new communication structures and strategies to resolve conflicts .
Pragmatism and humor are important tools of Doris Spindler, when it comes to moving towards each other again. When both partners feel: enough argue silence and suffering. And when they are ready for a new way to an authentic, more lively interaction. Or they discover: a separation by mutual understanding is the best solution for everybody.
As a Systemic Family Therapist, Doris Spindler combines psychodynamic methods with systemic aspects. Pair-related interaction patterns can be worked on as well as the perception of each other.
- since 2012 freelance member in the practice Odendahl & Associates
- work as a Systemic Therapist | Couples Therapist
- many years of professional experience in social-psychiatric context in youth services and work with traumatized people
- group therapy
focus of work
- Couples Therapy – Coaching for parents – Separation accompaniment
- blended families
- becoming parents – remaining a couple
- homosexual couples
- „bulky“ life experiences, people, stories, systems and worldviews
training and education
- qualification for psychoanalytically-systemic Therapist, APF Cologne
- studies in musicology and Special Education (MA), Ludwig-Maximilians-University of Munich
- qualification for state-approved educator, Academy for Social Education, Augsburg
Couples Therapist Rolf Solten
Graduate teacher with focus on adult education and years of experience in consulting and training. Training as systemic therapist.
You are no longer satisfied in your marriage or relationship? Despite all efforts you cannot find the right solution to your problems – but you want to change something? But you are not sure whether and how it works?
As a Marriage and Couples Counsellor, I would like to help you to find a way out of your crisis. I will help you to experience your relationship from a different angle. Couples therapy can also help to avoid painful separations.
- since 2013 freelance member of the practice Odendahl & Associates
- work as a systemic consultant / Focus: Couples Therapy
- many years of experience in counseling and training
- coach for professional development
focus of work
- Couples Therapy
- Systemic Family Therapy
- Training and Coaching
training and education
- 2012 training as a systemic consultant / therapist, KIB Cologne
- 2008 qualification for teaching yoga
- from 2003 exempt activities within various companies in coaching, consulting and training
- 2002 education for graduate teachers