Family Therapy & Family Counseling

Family life is fulfilling, but also challenging. Conflicts, misunderstandings, or stressful life events can disrupt the family balance and strain relationships. Often, the necessary tools to interact constructively and find solutions are lacking. Resources or skills to regulate one’s own emotions are also frequently missing, which can ultimately affect the entire family situation when internal tensions escalate. Family therapy offers support to improve communication and connection, develop understanding for each other and for oneself, and strengthen the bond between all family members.

In our practice, we offer professional family counseling and therapy. Our trained and highly experienced couples and family therapists are available to you at our location in Cologne’s Südstadt. When scheduling appointments, we tailor the process to your individual needs: sessions can be arranged in the mornings, afternoons, and evenings, as well as on weekends.
Our approach is as diverse as families themselves:

Family therapy views families as a complex “system” shaped by the everyday situational conditions. This system is dynamic and adapts to changes that influence family life. These include significant events such as the birth of a child, a move, marital conflicts, illnesses, or the loss of a family member. Also included are transitions like a child starting school, difficulties in the school career, puberty, or the process of “separating” from the parents or “letting go” of the children. These examples illustrate that even natural processes in family development sometimes require support.

Such examples show that natural developments within a family may also need assistance. One of the basic requirements for a harmonious family system is a respectful relationship between the parents. Parents should agree on parenting matters and ideally share similar values and beliefs or find common ground to avoid conflicts and uncertainty. However, differing views on topics like rules, rituals, or media use can lead to tensions and dysfunctional coalitions between parents and children in parenting.

Experience shows that especially differing views on child-rearing between parents can lead to major crises in the partnership. A father shares in counseling: “Our discussions rarely focus on us as a couple; instead, they mostly revolve around how we raise our children. Often, it’s about whether and how much sweets we allow the children, how many hours of TV per day are acceptable, or how the morning or evening routines should be structured.” In the worst case, inconsistent rules from the mother and father result, which ultimately causes the most harm to the child. The lack of clear guidance and consistent rules

often lead to uncertainty, confusion, frustration, and an indignant “But at Dad’s, I’m allowed to…” The end result is frequently another conflict between the parents, with accusations like, “You’re stabbing me in the back just to look good in front of our child!”

From the perspective of systemic family therapy, blame for family unrest is never assigned to just one person within the family structure. Instead, the entire family system, including its subsystems and the interactions between members, is considered. Families often come to therapy with the assumption that there is a “troublemaker” causing and maintaining the problem in the current situation. However, this focus on one family member is questioned in therapy and shifted away from identifying a single “culprit.” Instead, the focus moves to examining problematic behavioral and communication patterns within the family as a whole.

A fitting analogy for the family is the image of a mobile: just as the individual parts of a mobile are connected by strings, so too are family members connected. When one part moves, the others are set in motion as well. Conflicts affect all members, which is why it makes sense to involve the entire family in the process of change. The goal is to restore balance that has been disturbed by conflicts, uncertainties, or stressful events.

From the above, it should be clear that every symptom of a system – whether quarrels or behavioral issues – is significant and should be seen as an expression of the forces at work within it. Quarrels and conflicts are clear signs of an imbalance in the system. This imbalance may affect one family member more than another, leading to behavioral problems in that individual. If the “symptom bearer,” i.e., the person exhibiting problematic behavior, were to be treated only through individual therapy for what is ultimately a family issue, the results would likely not be long-lasting. This is because the underlying dysfunctional patterns within the family remain and make it difficult for the individual to change their behavior. Therefore, at Couples Counseling Cologne, great emphasis is placed on a holistic approach that involves all parties in the process. This method has proven to be particularly effective in achieving sustainable and lasting changes within the family system.

The period of puberty often puts the entire family to the test. It is not only the life of the adolescent that changes significantly, but the entire family system is affected by these changes. During this important phase of their lives, adolescents strive for autonomy and test their boundaries. Adolescence presents a major challenge in identity development. In such cases, family therapy aims to ensure that the steps toward adulthood are not further complicated by conflicts within the family but are instead accompanied and supported by the parents as much as possible.

Every family experiences crises at some point in its development. These conflicts can vary widely depending on the family, so it is not possible to provide a complete list of examples. The following are some examples of issues that can be addressed in family therapy: parenting difficulties, alcohol and drug abuse, domestic violence, consequences of unemployment, behavioral problems in children such as school anxiety or truancy, ADHD, bedwetting, or eating disorders.

Major upheavals and consequences can be triggered by issues of separation and loss within families. Examples include marital conflicts, parental separation, and the loss of a family member due to relocation, an accident, or illness.

Conflicts between parents affect the entire family structure and bring tension with them. Our family therapists are also trained in couples therapy, allowing them to offer counseling to you as a couple individually, as well as within the family setting. A concerned mother shares from this situation: “I was very worried about how my children would react to our divorce. Although my husband and I argued frequently, they didn’t see the divorce coming. The therapist encouraged us in therapy to openly express our thoughts, disappointments, and wishes, so we could find a way together to navigate the new situation.” Open communication is especially essential during this phase, as it helps develop understanding for one another, clears up misunderstandings, and dispels irrational fears and concerns. Children often feel torn between two worlds during their parents’ divorce process. Family therapy aims to prevent this by ensuring that parents convey a sense of security, reassuring the children that both mother and father will continue to be there unconditionally.

Many people wonder how family therapy works. A father who came to us due to increasing conflicts in his blended family initially expressed doubts: “At first, I had serious doubts that family therapy would be the solution. After all, we had already sat around the table as a family several times trying to find a solution together. Unfortunately, these attempts often ended in arguments and only worsened the situation.”
In systemic therapy, however, the dialogue does not take place in such a stressful and problem-focused way. Instead, the focus is deliberately placed on possible solutions. The therapist acts as an impartial “catalyst” for the family and supports them in discovering their resources and promoting positive change. Rather than asking, “What is going wrong?” the question becomes,

“What is working well, and how can it be improved further?” This perspective creates a new orientation that gives the family room to act and makes the situation seem a little less “stuck.”

In the first sessions, the goal is to understand the core conflict and formulate common therapy goals. Expectations and concerns are discussed, and you get to know the therapist’s working methods. You will also receive practical information about the framework of the therapy, such as appointment scheduling, session duration, involving and inviting other family members, costs, and more.

The techniques of systemic therapy are used by the therapist to disrupt entrenched thinking and behavior patterns and to initiate changes in the system. An important intervention in systemic therapy is reframing – the process of interpreting the problem in a new way to create a fresh perspective and more room for action. Humor is often involved in this technique as well.

These and other interventions in family therapy can help you restore a state of balance within your family where all members feel comfortable. With the motto “help for self-help,” the ultimate goal of family therapy is to enable the family to help themselves and manage changes independently in the event of future conflicts.

In couples counseling in Cologne, you will be supported by an experienced team with empathy and professional expertise. Our therapists encourage constructive conversations, help you develop new perspectives, and assist you in finding sustainable solutions for your family.