Life as a couple is an art. An art that can be learned.
Marriage Counseling
This realization has already found its way to many couples with marital problems in recent years, who as a result have set out in search of marriage counseling. The subject of marriage and, in particular, satisfaction within the relationship is now treated with the special attention it deserves. Our experienced female couples therapists will gladly accompany you on your way back to your satisfaction. Please feel free to contact us if you need more information.
A fulfilled and happy marriage is no coincidence – it requires attention, understanding, and sometimes professional support. This is hardly surprising, as marriage is a central aspect of life that influences many areas. For most people, individual happiness is closely tied to having a fulfilling, loving, and stable relationship.
But what factors hold a marriage together? Economic necessity and shared parenthood no longer play as binding a role today as they once did. Today, the connection between the two partners and their personal bond is often the primary tie that keeps a couple together.
As a result, many people observe a clear pattern of relationship breakdowns in their surroundings. About one-third of all marriages end in divorce, and in large cities, nearly half do. This raises the question of why this happens. Equally important, however, is understanding what steps can be taken to foster a happy relationship and prevent separation.
Do you have questions about
Marriage Counseling?
If you have any questions, feel free to call us or send us an email. We will be happy to advise you in a free initial consultation.
Within marriage counseling, the key steps between counselor and couple are discussed and implemented in a solution-focused and present-oriented manner. During this process, various relevant questions are addressed, such as:
- What am I looking for in a relationship?
- How can I better understand my partner and work together efficiently on a solution in difficult situations?
Our modern understanding of love includes attitudes, expectations, and needs that can place a strain on a lively and lasting relationship. This can make love and marriage seem like an irreconcilable contradiction. The goals of marriage counseling are to transform the couple’s perspectives, attitudes, desires, and expectations, thereby also influencing their actual behavior. In this way, marriage counseling can help secure a marriage’s stability and guide it toward renewed satisfaction.
What do we expect in a marriage?
What many of us seek today – and often find difficult to achieve – namely a lively, passionate love and reliable stability, are not contradictions. They can coexist well and even complement each other. No marriage is doomed to fail. There is always a way forward and an opportunity to learn the art of marriage and take your marital happiness into your own hands.
For example, this can be done with the help of the 10 “rules” of the well-known marriage counselor and psychotherapist Hans Jellouschek, which outline how to successfully build and maintain a stable, happy relationship.
The first of these rules is to clearly define the relationship in the first place. Ask yourself who you are to each other! As research has shown, couples very often come together without having consciously considered what they actually are: a couple in love, a married couple, a pair of friends, or something else entirely? You may be familiar with the result of this lack of clarification: worries and doubts about the partnership and its significance begin to creep in.
Questions like “Does she/he really want me?” or “Can I rely on her/him in a serious situation?” come to the surface and leave one with an uneasy feeling. Even couples who are already married are not immune to this. Removing this uncertainty should therefore be the first step in working toward a satisfying partnership.
You may be wondering why creating commitment is so important for a functioning marriage and may even consider this step unnecessary. However, experienced marriage counselors know that love needs commitment in order to exist and grow. It is enough if this develops over time, and it is normal for it not to be present from the very beginning. However, if you wait too long and miss the moment to take the next step in the relationship, this could seriously threaten the relationship.
This phenomenon is particularly evident in so-called “trial marriages.” This is a form of life in which people live together but do not define themselves as a married couple. This is a relatively modern social development that has its justification. Such an intermediate phase is, in a certain way, appropriate, useful, or even necessary for positive development – both individually and as a couple. However, it does not answer the question: “Am I the most important or the only one for the other person?”
Wanting to be the most important and only person in someone else’s life reflects our natural and profound need for connection and closeness. In some cases, however, this need can be overshadowed by a fear of commitment. This fear is often the reason why one or both partners avoid taking the step toward commitment. As a result, the need on both sides is not met, and the question remains forever unanswered between the partners. It is clear that this burdens the relationship. Consequently, a situation arises that makes it impossible to build the foundation for a functioning relationship. And when this foundation is missing, further difficulties in coping are inevitable. Marriage counseling helps you rebuild this foundation for a happy partnership.
Do you have any questions about
Marriage Counseling?
At Paartherapie Odendahl & Brinkmann, you receive professional support from experienced couples therapists with various specializations in marriage and couples counseling. We help you develop new perspectives, clarify misunderstandings, and build a stronger connection with each other.
With our experienced team, we can quickly connect you with a suitable contact person who addresses your concerns individually. Together, we find solutions to strengthen your partnership and make it fulfilling in the long term.
How does marriage counseling work?
The coaching sessions are conducted by one of our experienced couples therapists. A positive process is initiated: both spouses learn to understand why conflicts arise and how to resolve them in order to make a loving coexistence possible again.
Marriage counseling aims to provide knowledge – about various aspects
- Recognize entrenched communication patterns and learn how to break them in order to better avoid misunderstandings and disputes
- Get to know your own personality and that of your partner – and how it affects your behavior and your relationship
- What are the needs of the partner within the marriage and how can you better respond to them
Phases of Marriage Counseling
A marriage or couples therapy consists of three phases: initial consultation, therapy, and evaluation.
Depending on the couple’s issues, the duration of therapy varies, with approximately 5–10 sessions serving as a guideline.
In the initial consultation, the couple and the marriage counselor get to know each other and gain a first impression of the existing marital issues. The goal is to identify shared objectives that should be achieved within the framework of the marriage counseling.
During the actual marriage therapy, the couple meets regularly for sessions with the therapist. The focus is on addressing the couple’s behavior and reactions and resolving acute conflicts.
Once the couple and the marriage counselor consider the goals to have been achieved, the frequency of the meetings can be gradually reduced or ended altogether. At this point, it is worthwhile to reflect on valuable insights and the course of the marriage counseling.
What to do if one partner is critical of marriage counseling?
It is not uncommon for one partner to reject marriage counseling or see no need for it. In this case, do not hesitate to come to us alone at first, as this allows you to present your perspective to the couples therapist.
However, for long-term success in marriage counseling, the participation and cooperation of both partners are important. Therefore, your partner is encouraged to attend at least one completely non-binding session as a family member.
During the dialogue with the therapist, the reasons for the partner’s reluctance toward therapy can then be addressed gently – for example, fear of accusations or escalating arguments. This approach helps to reduce existing reservations, alleviate fears, and create a solid foundation for successful marriage or couples counseling.
What does marriage counseling cost at Paarberatung Köln?
- Cost of an initial 90-minute session: €170 (plus VAT)
- Cost of each additional 90-minute session: €190 (plus VAT)
- Recommended duration: determined individually, usually around 6 to 10 sessions
Our marriage and couples counselors
Our experienced marriage and couples counselors are happy to support you with your problems and crises and guide you on your way back to a fulfilling married life.
FAQs
From many years of experience, we can say that almost always one partner is skeptical and not enthusiastic about the idea of couples therapy. Often, uneasy feelings like fear or shame are the reason for this skepticism. Many people are afraid of blame, accusations, or uncomfortable situations. If your partner feels this way, you can start by coming to us alone. At a later stage, you can simply invite your partner to join you for a session. This allows for a gentle introduction to couples therapy. Concerns can be discussed and usually resolved within the framework of the counseling, and many couples have begun their journey to therapy exactly this way.
If a breakup occurs during therapy, we support you in handling this process respectfully and consensually. Additionally, we offer separation counseling to help you prepare for the next phase of life.
Of course, if needed, we can involve your children. Our family therapy helps resolve conflicts within the family and promotes better togetherness.
Yes, counseling can help to understand the causes of the infidelity, to deal with the emotions, and to find out whether and how trust can be restored.
In everyday family life, personal needs often take a back seat. However, marriage counseling does not require as much time as you might think. Simply by asking yourself the question, you are already aware of how much more time and energy it takes to live permanently in an unsatisfying relationship. Exhausting arguments drain energy and strength.
Many couples have limited time. We can offer flexible time slots for marriage counseling sessions. These can take place, for example, in the late evening or on weekends. Consider an intensive weekend for couples. Take time for yourselves as a couple – take a break. Focus on yourself and your partner. You may gain surprisingly new perspectives on your relationship, yourself, and your partner.
In the initial session, you get to know your therapist and discuss your current situation as well as your goals. Together, we develop an individual therapy plan tailored to your needs.
No, it can also be used preventively to strengthen the relationship or to discuss challenges early on before they become serious problems.
Yes, counseling helps to gain clarity about the relationship – regardless of whether the goal is to improve the marriage or to have a respectful separation.
Yes, even after many years, new challenges can arise. Counseling can help break entrenched patterns and revive the relationship.
Yes, our therapists support you in openly addressing sexual topics and working together to develop solutions. Depending on the situation, this can take place both within the partnership and in individual sessions. If necessary, we also offer specialized sexual therapy to work specifically on your sexuality and address individual concerns.